A Story of Rules
And all the times I choose control over joy
I don’t need chapstick now because I know I’ll put it on before bed in an hour.
The toy cars go in this bin, and the Legos go in that bin.
If I can’t give a full 10% to the church, I can’t give at all.
We can’t play with any “messy” toys like playdough or kinetic sand in the last hour before nap or bedtime.
I can’t text my mom’s group right now because too many other topics have been brought up today.
I’m supposed to read my Bible every day, so if I missed yesterday, I have to read twice as much today, and I barely have enough time as it is and it’s supposed to be a quiet time, but when do I ever get a quiet moment in my life when I’m not working or watching the kids or taking care of the house or…
My goodness, hush.
Welcome to the inner monologue of my possibly neurodivergent, definitely overworking brain. Maybe you can relate? I know we talk a lot in my mom’s small group about times we feel the need for control. Times we just want to get the laundry folded and put away without the toddler messing up our piles. But, what I’m learning is, to quote my friend Emma, “it’s just not that serious.”
Sometimes I feel like we set these rules for ourselves because we are trying to maintain the illusion that we have some sort of control in life. We are trying to set boundaries, keep organized, keep sane. But I’m starting to believe that doing so to this extent is actually making me insane.
We talk a lot in church about the difficult balance of legalism and license, and I feel like I definitely err on the side of legalism. Which, in my head, is the better option of the two, but remember that thoughts like that actually got Adam and Eve into trouble in the garden. God told them not to eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, but when explaining that to the serpent, Eve added on, “neither shall you touch it, lest you die,” (Genesis 3:3). And maybe she set that boundary for herself so she wouldn’t be tempted, but that ended up giving the serpent a foothold: did God actually say that?
Did God actually say that I have to give 10% of my income to the fund of the church I’m currently attending, or nothing at all? Did God actually say that I have to read a chapter of my Bible every single day, doubling up if I miss? Did God actually say that my quiet time has to be quiet?
No, friends. It’s not that serious.
And I don’t mean to say that these topics aren’t serious, because giving and reading God’s word are vital spiritual disciplines, but we don’t need to schedule and plan and organize them to death so they stop being matters of the heart.
God loves a cheerful giver, even if it’s just $15 a month until you get back on your feet budget-wise. God wants you to meditate on His word, even if you just read the same verse every day for a month. God wants to be in constant communication with you, even if you have a clingy two-year-old, a screaming ten-month-old, three jobs, and a never-ending to-do list. And guess what? God gives us grace for messy houses and free will to make our own decisions regarding the low-level stuff. And according to Ecclesiastes 8:15, “I commend joy, for man has nothing better under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun.”
I remind myself of this often. I will literally hesitate putting on chapstick, remind myself to “choose joy,” and then happily put it on. Sometimes these rules we make for ourselves are as dumb as that. But we, as flawed humans, need to constantly be reminded. It’s not that serious. We are free to choose joy.
So I encourage you to get a little messy. Let the kids help you do the dishes, even if it means there will be water on the floor and you’ll be a little later to nap. Put your overthinking to rest and text your friends. Have your quiet time with Ms. Rachel blaring on the TV. Ease up on the silly rules and just focus on the ones that really matter. Love God, love others, love yourself.